This summer I’ve read a few books. I somehow have become a disjointed reader, maybe due to the fact that life is that way. I often find that I am reading 3 books at one time, based on my sitting location in the house. One by the bed, one by the couch, one at my desk and of course one in the bathroom. So I’ll tell you what I’ve been reading, but I won’t tell you where. you’ll have to figure that out on your own. 
The first book, which I just happened to pick up on a whim from a stack of gifted books from past Christmas times, is Bryson City Tales by Walt Larimore M.D. It is the story of a doctor’s first year coming to a small town in the smoky mountains. Honestly I was pleasantly surprised by this book. It is well written, funny, serious and emotional. Having grown up straddling between immersion in city life and familiar with country life and traditions of my parents, there were several parts of this book that brought tears and understanding and longing for those times again. There was the imagery of the outdoors, the no-nonsense ways of the locals, the feeling of the outsider being slowly accepted, even initiated. Country life and struggle, hospital action, family concerns, humor and sorrow all wrapped up. I’d recommend this book as a great recreational read. It would make a great movie, but they’d ruin it, so read it instead.
My second book of interest that I am right now in the final pages of reading is The Call by Os Guinness. Yes, related to the brewer of beer. The subtitle of the book is “finding and fulfilling the central purpose of your life”. This book is hands down one of the most influential books I have read as far as practical living and spirituality. It is from a Christian worldview and it goes to great length explaining some of the trends in culture today and exposing some of the great errors in past thought and teaching that has brought us to where we are today as a society and a culture, not just America, but the west as a whole. The premise of the book, if I have discovered it is that we have lost calling as a concept and purpose that guides our lives. This is primarily due to the fact that we have gone away from and done away with God. And basically calling makes no sense, in fact is not even possible if there is no caller. Instead we have changed the search for vocation to the search for what will make us money. We no longer do things in modernity because it just should be done or do it for the value of the thing or sake of the thing itself. We only do things based on the perceived profit and benefit. I believe that this is an excellent book for any reader of any background. It poses some interesting positions and viewpoints and deals with a variety of topics and historical events as well as philosophy and religion. Those not of the Christian faith might not easily take in all that Dr. Guinness puts forth here, but no matter what background you come from it challenges you to think about life, about meaning and about what it is that you were created for.
The third book of the summer that I have been reading is a classic. Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. Originally transcripts from a radio show that he did, they are adaptions of the radio show worked into book form. I have always enjoyed C.S. Lewis since I first read a young child the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. This book is more like a conversation you are having with Lewis, with him doing most of the talking and him anticipating some of your remarks. The chapters and short and the topics range all over life and religion. I believe he does a great job of explaining the core of Christianity to the non-believer and believer alike. He does not get into denominational traditions or issues, but just the core of what it means to be a Christian, and he brings a great apologetic and support against relativism and the popular thought that truth is relative and right and wrong are relative. Those are great awesome points and stir up great philosophical conversations with and between people. But as Lewis points out, relative truth and relative right and wrong are great until you personally are the one being wronged, or the one lied to or affected by someone else’s truth. Then all of a sudden we discover a standard that seems to be there across all peoples. The book goes from there. I’m just about finished.
The final book of summer was “confessions of a reformission rev. - Mark Driscoll“. This was a gripping book, a history and airing mistakes, disasters and successes of a church that started in Seattle in the 90’s and is now considered a mega-church with over 4000 weekly attenders. The pain and sacrifice of bringing the Gospel to Seattle, the learning and unlearning, the building and re-building, all this documented in this book by the founding pastor of Mars Hill Church (marshillchurch.org). Mark has a great ability to tell stories and get you right in the mix, as well as just let you feel the gut wrenching pain and the soaring satisfaction of success, all the while interjecting great humor and sarcasm among the gory details of building a church such as Mars Hill. He is frank and honest about people and about himself, about where they came from, about where they are and about where they are going and how. Anyone who wants to see and understand a glimpse of what it takes to truly be on mission and attempt to stay focused on that mission and learn and suffer a long the way should read this book. Then they should look at their own life, their own church, their own pastor and understand all that is going on that they don’t see, and then they should stop complaining about all the silly things that we complain about in church and get back on mission.
Well, that’s all that I’ve read this summer aside from some various readings in books of the bible. If you pick any up based on this, let me know how you like them. Peace out.
tomb
well, after 12 years of computing, I finally contracted a virus. I’ve had computer problems before, event minor adware annoyances, but those folks out there keep getting smarter and causing more and more damage. It doesn’t bother you until it catches you. I think that the thing that bugs me the most is that it steals life and hours away from you that cannot be regained. I think it even adds gray hair. But, after tons of time on the internet researching the problem and various peoples approaches, I believe that I again have control over my computers and network. Luckily only one computer was infected and it did not spread to the others. For this I am happy. To date, this particular problem, braviax.exe and buritos.exe have stolen 15 hours of my life and probably done considerable stress damage to my heart and nerves.
My issue also is a sort of OCD response that I have to such things as computer problems. I seemingly cannot rest while we have an issue, I must resolve it. I become increasingly agitated as the problem remains which makes me unapproachable and undesirable to be around, especially to my family.
Thanks be to God for those on the Internet willing to share their expertise and tools to get this fixed.
marching on.
I know that I have abandoned this place. There have been lots of distractions and lots of other activity that have demanded my time. I am currently reading a book, actually several books, but one book in particular - The Call - by Os Guinness. It is really the central question of my life right now. What am I to do. What is or has God called me to. Obviously God has called me to being a follower of Christ. However, past that, what have I been called to, what is my purpose and meaning. The book discusses the concept of calling and what it has meant in the past and what it has been twisted into today. He also looks at the effects of calling by using examples from the past and then looks at the effects of how modern interpretations of calling or the lack of attending to calling has affected culture and meaning today. So, I am reading and praying that I would know what it is that my life is for, or rather, what it is that I can not only live for, but also die for. I don’t know what this looks like and it may just be a changed viewpoint on where God already has me. However, I wonder if maybe I have been brought to this point in my life where I have had moderate success and attained good income and found it to be empty (though comfortable) if there is not something more that I am supposed to be about, supposed to be attending to. I don’t need more to do mind you. I am wondering what it is instead of what I’m doing that is my calling, or if where I am with different mindset is where I’m supposed to be. It comes down to wanting to be where God would have me and making myself available for Him to use and also open to moving if He so chooses. I’m not so good at the hearing and the interpreting, so I must diligently pray and listen and watch for what He is doing and moving. More to come I’m sure.
Lately life has been hard. Not just in experience and circumstance, but in deciphering and discerning. Before I begin, let me say that I don’t mean that our lives have been hard in the sense that we are in the midst of trials and tribulations to the extent that one sees on the news, especially about the conditions and circumstances in other countries. I don’t mean in the sense that we don’t have all that we need or that we are hungry or cold or sick. I mean hard in the average, spoiled, self centered sort of hard that many are prone to fall into.
What do I have to complain about? Not much. I have a beautiful wife that loves me. 3 children that I adore and love and they in return love me. I have a great job. I have great friends. I go to a great church. I live in a great neighborhood in an ok town. I have clean water in my tap to drink, cook and bathe with. I live in a great house. I make a great amount of money.
All those things should weigh in and make my life bright and sunny, blue skies, no rain. joy, joy, joy. But that is not my current experience.
So when I say hard, I mean hard in the sense that i am trying to figure out why I am where I am emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. Hard in the sense that my middle daughter has some emotional difficulties that I don’t feel equipped to handle, rather I feel I often make them worse. Hard in that I have no satisfaction in my job and the work that I do. Hard in that I desire to do something else, yet find that the change in jobs would bring about a change in income that I am not sure I am willing to accept right now.
There are many things at work here. I believe that God should be the center and core of my life. I don’t know that this is so. I strongly desire to follow Him with reckless abandon, but then there would be some discomfort. Where does that leave me? What does that mean? Moreover, what does that really look like with me, my wife and 3 kids?
I don’t believe that my satisfaction needs to come from my work. yet I find myself increasingly unsatisfied with the work that I am doing and I wonder what I should be doing? I wonder what God wants me to do? I have a desire to do something minstry related, whether that is pastoring or writing, or serving, I don’t know, but I have not been able to shake the feeling.
I have a desire to work in a more creative role as far as graphics and computers, yet I don’t know if that is a gift that wants to be released or if it is just me wanting to do something else? I wonder if I’m good enough? I wonder if I am deceiving myself? I wonder if I am losing my mind?
Am I disciplined enough to be in ministry? what type? If pastoral, would that become too repetitive, monotonous? writing and giving sermons week in and week out? Could I stand the pain and the sorrow? Could I be strong enough for the arrows? Do I have thick enough skin? Would I depend on God enough? Do I now? Would I be better as a speaker and a writer? Could I make it through Seminary? would my family?
Can I really discern what I need to do? What God is pushing me towards? I don’t know. Life is busy. My own corporate work. A photography business on the side. 3 kids. What is there room for?
I am scared to pursue some of my interests because I know that there are limitations and emptiness to them. I’m not sure if that is guilt. But if you love 3D graphics and most of your time is creating and experiencing 3D worlds and interactions, then isn’t that just a substitute for a real life? Is there really any eternal value in that at all? Is there any value in the corporate life?
I’m scared to get on a path because I am so flaky. So flighty. I am prone to do “this” for a while and then go and do “that” I don’t know how I will do pursuing something for a longer term. I learn quickly, I think I bore quickly too. How can I find something that serves me in both variety and in creativity.
Life becomes hard when it moves past the pursuit of survival into the pursuit of fulfillment and meaning. We are truly blessed here to even have this consideration. But it fails to make the decisions and the wondering any less severe.
I want to know what to do that will fulfill me. In doing that, I want it to glorify God, not just be something that I want to do for me.
God help me find something that matches both my desire for you and for art and creativity you have given me. Help me use it for your glory. Help me find something with variety, that your glory would be shown in a multitude of ways. God help me. Amen.
tom
I have been gone a couple weeks from here. Frustrating I know, but for sure more for me than for you. Pursuit is the focus of this blog, whether it is the pursuit of God, writing, reading, technology, material things, happiness. I’m in a struggle to identify my pursuit. I am in a struggle to fight against my fears. I am faced with decisions and dreams that need to be made, that need to be followed or forgotten. In 7th grade (and even earlier) I started a pursuit of art. I loved art. I was not great, but I enjoyed the creativity and the challenge. In 12th grade I switched to drafting as I wasn’t likely to make anything in art. Well, 20 years later, I’m finding that the need to create, to be creative is rooted deep and I cannot escape it. Changes in my work have taken me farther and farther from the creative element and left me questioning where I am, my purpose, my goals, my desires and my motivations. I have been on a trip this past week, and I’ve done a lot of thinking. I have outlined the rest of The TreeHouse. I’m not sure when I will work on that. I have other things more pressing. Resumes and Letters to draft, portfolios to create, a photography business to attend to. The TreeHouse will come along as it can.
There are fears to fight. Fear of failure, fear of expectations, fear of rejection. These things paralyze me into non-action. It is easier to stay where I am, miserable, than to try to get out. So, I have battles to wage, mainly against myself. I have things to think through and compromises to consider. I am at a hard place, and staying positive and focused is difficult because the obstacles seem so huge, so overwhelming, that I just want to go to sleep. As I have been going along, I’m tired. And by the time I have time to write, nothing flows. even now. So I will post as I can. Pray for me. I am at a fork in the road. I have already taken the one more traveled, will I take the one less? That is a fear in itself.
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